The recent solar eclipse of a super moon on the vernal equinox promised to shake up the planet. They weren’t kidding. Everywhere I turn, I hear stories of people whose lives changed abruptly and dramatically in the weeks leading up to and following this astrological event on March 20th, 2015. My own personal hit took place on the evening before the big day. Let’s just say my complaining out loud and with every thought I put out into the Universe in regard to my job was heard. The Universe corrected course and I was left feeling at the same time relieved and terrified. But now what?
I have a lot going for me, really. I have a brilliant and loving partner, three awesome kids, a cute little house, a car that runs, good friends, good health. Honestly, I even have pretty good hair most days. So how come I’m having such a hard time figuring out what I want to do with my life (a.k.a. a job/career/life purpose)? Ironically, people frequently come to me for advice when they are struggling with any of life’s many facets because they know I can make them feel better and offer a myriad of solutions for getting past the problems. But why is it so hard for me to offer myself the same service?
I’ve spent a lot of time with little kids and I can tell you they do not have this problem. Little kids just assume they can do anything. They will even argue their point when it is apparent to everyone around them that they are mistaken. My favorite example of this was a conversation I had with a little girl in my daycare. Rowan had been coming to our home for daycare since she was an infant. By age 5, she pretty much ran the place. One day she brought me a piece of lace and said, “Auntie, can I knit with this?” (All of my daycare kids called me Auntie whether they were related to me or not).
Me: Do you know how to knit?
Rowan: I think I can figure it out…
Me: Ok, sure, go ahead.
I remember being fascinated by her absolute resolve that this was something she could handle on her own. She didn’t question her skill set or her educational background. Her willingness to try new things was unshakable. How come I have over 3 decades of life experience on her and I am paralyzed by the thought of trying something new? When, I wonder, and how do we lose that unwavering sense of self? That inner knowing that I can be anything I want to be and do anything I want to do. That limitless view of our life’s potential is still present at age 5 but long gone by age 45. Not wanting to squelch this little girl’s dreams, but also knowing how knitting works, the conversation continues…
Rowan: Can I knit with this? (holding up some plastic cord and beads)
Me: Probably not…
Rowan: Why not?
This is the part of the conversation where I wish I could go back and change my response. Maybe I could have been more positive about her knitting aspirations. Maybe I could have provided a set of knitting needles and some yarn and just gotten the hell out of her way. Instead, our conversation went like this…
Me: Because that won’t work for knitting and you need to learn to knit first. It takes a while to learn how to knit. Do you want to learn how?
Rowan: …well, then, can I knit with this? (holds up purple wire)
Me: Ummm…no…
Rowan: Why not?
Me: Because you just can’t knit with wire.
Rowan: Well, I can use these scissors to do it…
Me: (confused look) ok…
I suspect eventually someone will send me a link to a YouTube video demonstrating how to knit with wire and scissors. Trust me, I no longer question whether it can be done. After all, who am I to say what is possible for someone who sees no barriers in front of her? My hope is that Rowan still sees the world as full of potential. I hope that she remembers me as a friend and that she remembers having the freedom to explore her ideas during her time with me. Because I am not proud of how our little exchange on knitting wrapped up.
Rowan (putting down the scissors and wire): Auntie, can I play a computer game?
Me: Sure!
In my defense, it was an educational computer game.
scorpioskies 
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